Proud Mama

           I've said many times throughout Connor's life that I just want to freeze him at a certain age...starting at about six months. It's true that there are fun things about every age, but I really mean it this time. I want to freeze him just as he is RIGHT NOW.

            My first baby will be three next month. I can't believe it. I've been really weepy and sad thinking about it the past week or so. Yes, he has his two-going-on-three-I-think-I'm-more-independent-than-I-really-am moments, but he is so fun right now. I am so afraid I'm going to forget what he's like at this moment. I know I'll remember general things about him as a toddler, but every day he does something clever or cute or funny and I'm so afraid I'll forget. One of the reasons I want to blog is so that I can record some of these things. This post is really more for me--so if you don't want to experience an obnoxious, bragging mommy, you can stop reading right now.

Some of the things I love about Connor:

           His SWEETNESS. He is the sweetest little boy. He gets it from his daddy. Ever since he became mobile, he will often stop in the middle of playing just to come over and give me a hug. He will spontaneously say things like "I love you mommy", "You're my sweetheart", "You're my best friend", "I miss my daddy", etc. He has lately been coming up to our bed when he wakes up and he will put his arm around my waist or shoulders, just like he sees Mike do--it is so cute. The other day at Cub, I saw a kid who was about 14 sling his arm around his mom's shoulder while they looked at the Redbox. I so hope Connor will still be like that at that age.


           His INDEPENDENCE. He has always been so good at entertaining himself. When he was about 15 months old, he fell in love with all things transportation--cars, buses, trains--and could sit on the floor literally for hours and drive them around. He would lay his head on the ground and watch the wheels move. He would line them up, create a parking lot, etc. All by himself. No need for attention . Now he continues to love cars and trains, but always has a storyline going while he plays with them. He also loves doing jigsaw puzzles by himself. He'll sometimes ask me to do them with him, but doesn't really want me to put any of the pieces together. He just wants my company while he does it all by himself. Let me tell you, I have never appreciated his ability to entertain himself as much as I have in the last few months, with my bedrest and having a new baby around. How many women could have kept their 2 year old home while on bedrest?? I knew I could occassionally because he doesn't demand that much of me.

         His VOCABULARY. Connor has always been on the later end of normal for reaching his milestones--certainly nothing to worry about, especially considering his prematurity, but I like to worry about things. The thing I was most worried about was his speech. The child made me wait 18 months to hear "mama"! Now, I sometimes remember those days fondly--because now he NEVER stops talking! It wasn't really until this past spring that Connor started taking off in the speech department. Ever since then, he has amazed us with his vocabulary. He not only uses a large number of words and phrases, but always uses them in context as well. The other day he was playing with this trains and made some of them fall off the coffee table. I was half listening to his narration of the events and I thought I heard him say that they fell into the canyon. I asked him if he said "canyon" and he said "No, they fell into the GRAND Canyon". Grand Canyon?? What does a two year know about the Grand Canyon? We were looking at construction vehicles on the road the other day, and I said "Oh, look at that digger" and he said, "No, mommy that's a front wheel loader." What?

           His ENTHUSIASM. Even though Connor has so much and so many people who love him, I am so proud to say that he is not spoiled. He is still thankful and enthusiastic about every little gift and treat he gets. I have known kids in the past that have so much/get to do so much that nothing is exciting anymore. I don't want my kids to get like that. I want even McDonald's to be a treat, not a weekly occurance. Everytime we take Connor somewhere special (the zoo, apple orchard, a different park), he will say things like "I had a special day", or "I had really so much fun!". And he'll talk about it and remember it for weeks. Give the kid an ice cream sandwich and he squeals with excitement! It's that enthusiasm for the most simple things that I don't want him to lose. I don't want him to grow up!

         His INTELLIGENCE. I am very proud of the fact that Connor knows so much. He has just always had an interest in letters and numbers. He recognized every letter in the alphabet and numbers 1-9 by the time he was 18 months. He now also knows the sounds that most of the letters make and can count to 13. He knows about 10 colors and many shapes. I could brag for days about how smart he is, but I am most proud that he has common sense. He doesn't do stupid things like shove stuff up his nose or chew on things. He has always been cautious, not putting himself into dangerous situations very often. He amazes me every day.

         His IMAGINATION. He has lately decided that every member of the family is a Lion King character. (Connor is Simba, Mike is Mufasa, I am Timone (for some reason), Bryce is Zazu, and Bauer is Pumba). At first it was just a cute thing between Simba and Mufasa, but it has been escalating and continuing on for a couple weeks now. I haven't been called "mama" for at least a week (unless he slips--but then he quickly corrects himself). In the elevator at the Children's Museum the other day, a woman asked him if he was excited. He responded "Yes, yes I am! My name is Simba". Last night when it was time for bed he said "Timone, you put Zazu to bed so Mufasa can come lay by me." He says it like it's just completely normal--like those are our real names. We get a little worried sometimes, but I know he won't be calling us that when he's 16 years old :) 


         I want to just bottle this up. I wish we could have a hidden camera to record him so I can always remember. When he was six months old, I wanted to freeze him and now I'm so glad I couldn't because I would have missed so much. I'm sure a few months from now, I'll be glad again, but I can't imagine much topping how he is at this moment. I am so thankful that he is healthy and will grow up, but I'm just really sentimental right now with his birthday coming up.

      Take care! xoxo, Julie

Daycare :(

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I posted! This summer is just flying by. I haven't even begun counting the days until school starts again, but I know I really only have a couple weeks left.
This year, it is going to be exceptionally hard to go back to school...for a few reasons. First of all, the summer has just gone quickly and I haven't even had a chance to miss school yet. Secondly, Connor is at such a fun age and we (most days) have been having a blast together. Finally (and most importantly), it is going to be hard to go back because Connor will be going to daycare for the first time.

Since he was born, we have been very fortunate to have my sister-in-law, Connor's Aunt Jackie, nanny for Connor. It was so much easier leaving Connor knowing he was with someone who loves him, in his own home, with one-on-one attention. I really admire and feel for those parents who have to bring their helpless newborns to a stranger at 6-12 weeks old. I don't know if I could have done it.
One positive to starting them young, though, is that newborns aren't really aware of where they are--or who is watching them--as long as their needs are met. I am really starting to dread and feel guilty about leaving Connor with a stranger, in a strange house, at an age where he is very much aware. Will he be scared? Will he think we are abandoning him? Will he be able to eat? Sleep? Will he get enough attention? Will he cry for hours on end? If he hates it the first few times, will he throw a fit every time we drive up to the house? How long will it take him to adjust?

Up until about a week ago (I think the calender flipping to August is making it too real for me...), I was doing really well with the idea. My education training and the logical part of my brain are telling me it's the right thing to do. Connor needs to start socializing with other kids. He is getting bored at home--being in the same house with the same toys all the time. I feel that his language will develop faster being around other/older kids. I know he will be okay. I also know that he will really only be there about 6 hours a day, 4 days a week (he goes to Grammy's house on Wednesdays). Mike and I will still be raising our own child.

But the first-time mother, emotional side of me is having a really hard time. I can't even type this without crying. He has never been left with anyone but family. We are so fortunate to have so many grandparents around who are willing to watch him. Everyone knows him and what he wants. His language is not very developed, but he has his own way of communicating. The daycare lady won't know what he wants! He is used to being the king of the castle--if he wants to "reeeead", we read! The daycare lady won't always be able to drop everything and read when he wants to (again, the logical part of me knows that this will be a good life lesson, but will his little feelings be hurt??).

The daycare lady and I have talked about doing a trial run or two in the next couple weeks--I'll go over with Connor and hang out for a little bit, and then leave for an hour or two. I am hopeful that this will help him get to know her and her home a little bit before being left there all day. We went over there together a few weeks ago, and Connor just dug right into the toys and didn't pay any attention to me whatsoever. The daycare lady thought that was a good sign, as did I. She said a lot of kids who come for interviews or visits cling to their parent's leg the whole time, so she was impressed that he would leave my side. We'll see how it goes when I tell him I'm leaving, though!

Thanks for letting me vent. I'll let you all know how things turn out. Wish us luck!

Perfection

Today was about as close to perfect as a summer day can get. When I sat in my classroom dreaming of summer vacation, today is what I imagined. Connor and I started the day by going to the zoo with my good friend Sarah and her two little ones. The weather was perfect, the adult conversation is just what I needed, and both one and half year old boys behaved perfectly (how often does that happen??). When we got home, Connor napped and I cleaned our bedroom closet--which was much overdue. We spent the afternoon running through the sprinkler, blowing bubbles, and playing at the park. A taco dinner with my hubby and son rounded out the perfect day.
It is days like today that remind me just how blessed I am. Being a teacher is truly my calling, and I love my job. Not only do I get to be inspired by young people at work, I also have a schedule that allows me to feel as though I am raising my own child. Even during the school year, Connor is only without a parent for about 6 hours a day. I am home by 3:00 most days and have so many days off. It doesn't get much better.
With the cost of daycare (and LIVING right now....), I have seriously thought a lot about other job options. Teachers don't get paid very well, and Catholic school teachers get paid even less (after 7 years I am finally making what I would have made my first year in a public school). I have considered just staying home and getting a part-time evening job, applying at public schools, doing daycare, or looking at a different field altogether. But I don't want to. I love what I do and I think that is worth SO MUCH.
I wish I could bottle up today and save it for days that money stress starts getting me down. It was seriously perfection.

18 months

Today, my son turned 18 months. I can't believe it's be a whole year and a half, and I can't believe it's been ONLY a year and a half. Having a child completely changes one's life, and sometimes it's hard to remember what life was like before, so even though time is flying by, it also feels like a lifetime since I became a mother.
My baby is no longer a baby. Kids technically become toddlers on their first birthday, but it wasn't until recently that I have really considered Connor to be one. Besides the usual physical changes and milestones, there have been other incidents lately that have really made me realize he is growing up. For example, on Friday night, he showed embarrassment for the first time. We were over at my mom's house for dinner, along with another couple, and Connor was trying to be a good boy and put his cup back up on the counter when he was done with it (he has a strong sense of order and doesn't like to just throw it on the floor), but he couldn't quite reach. Every time he lifted the cup in an attempt to set it up there, water would splash out onto his face. I finally said, "Grammy, Connor is trying to get his cup back on the counter and it keeps splashing him in the face". Once the cup was finally in place, thanks to Grammy's help, he turned around and his face was covered in drips of water. We all laughed, and Connor started crying and buried his head in his daddy's lap. He was embarrassed that we laughed at him! What a big boy.
He also has started to play innocent after doing something naughty. On Wednesday, again at Grammy's house, he was playing with the buttons on the stereo (which he knows not to do), when he accidentally turned the stereo off. When Grammy started to scold him, he meandered away, looking down, muttering to himself, as if to say "la de da, nothing to see here!" How do kids learn to do that??? What a big boy.
Today was another time when I realized just how far we've come. For the first 5 months or so of life, Connor had really bad reflux, which made sleeping and napping difficult. In fact, until about 13 months, he was the worst napper of all time. If I finally got him to sleep, I would run around like a crazy woman getting as much done as I could in 20 minutes, because that was about all the time I could count on him sleeping. Anything beyond a half hour was bonus time. A few months ago, Connor just decided for himself to go down to one nap, and it's a long one--2 to 3 hours usually. So, today while Connor was napping, I brought the monitor outside and potted my plants and weeded and mulched the garden. Last year at this time I would have been nervous about running out to get the mail while he was sleeping. I guess we've both come a long way.
The past 18 months have been a time of change (and stress!), but the most fulfilling 18 months of my life. I am so proud of my son, and I can't wait to watch him grow for the rest of my life. I am blessed.

Doing Dishes

Doing dishes used to be a chore I abhorred. I am tired by the end of the day. Making dinner is enough of a hassle, and then I have to do the dishes AFTER dinner? I know that in some households, the person who makes dinner is excused from washing the dishes. Sounds fair. I, however, usually make dinner AND do the dishes. Don't think poorly of the hubby, though. He is willing and would do them if I asked--he even offers sometimes. But, I usually prefer to do them myself. At first, my reason for this was because I am quicker, more efficient, and use less soap :) Since becoming a mom, though, my reasons for wanting to do the dishes have changed. First of all, if I am doing the dishes, Mike takes care of Connor, giving me a much needed break from him. I love my son, but by dinner time, I am usually ready to let Daddy take over. Lately, I have realized that doing dishes helps me unwind, and gives me a little "me" time. Even more recently, I have found yet ANOTHER reason to like doing the dishes....listening to the two loves of my life playing together. I usually have dinner ready and waiting when Mike gets home from work, which means that after dinner is prime father-son play time. While I stand in the kitchen unwinding, I can choose to tune into the sounds of this play time happening downstairs. I am so proud of the father that my husband has become, and listening to him and Connor scream and laugh together brings joy to my heart. So, doing dishes has morphed from an abhorred chore into a time of reflection for me. I am blessed. Now, if only cleaning the bathroom had the same effect....