Daycare :(

Wow, I can't believe how long it's been since I posted! This summer is just flying by. I haven't even begun counting the days until school starts again, but I know I really only have a couple weeks left.
This year, it is going to be exceptionally hard to go back to school...for a few reasons. First of all, the summer has just gone quickly and I haven't even had a chance to miss school yet. Secondly, Connor is at such a fun age and we (most days) have been having a blast together. Finally (and most importantly), it is going to be hard to go back because Connor will be going to daycare for the first time.

Since he was born, we have been very fortunate to have my sister-in-law, Connor's Aunt Jackie, nanny for Connor. It was so much easier leaving Connor knowing he was with someone who loves him, in his own home, with one-on-one attention. I really admire and feel for those parents who have to bring their helpless newborns to a stranger at 6-12 weeks old. I don't know if I could have done it.
One positive to starting them young, though, is that newborns aren't really aware of where they are--or who is watching them--as long as their needs are met. I am really starting to dread and feel guilty about leaving Connor with a stranger, in a strange house, at an age where he is very much aware. Will he be scared? Will he think we are abandoning him? Will he be able to eat? Sleep? Will he get enough attention? Will he cry for hours on end? If he hates it the first few times, will he throw a fit every time we drive up to the house? How long will it take him to adjust?

Up until about a week ago (I think the calender flipping to August is making it too real for me...), I was doing really well with the idea. My education training and the logical part of my brain are telling me it's the right thing to do. Connor needs to start socializing with other kids. He is getting bored at home--being in the same house with the same toys all the time. I feel that his language will develop faster being around other/older kids. I know he will be okay. I also know that he will really only be there about 6 hours a day, 4 days a week (he goes to Grammy's house on Wednesdays). Mike and I will still be raising our own child.

But the first-time mother, emotional side of me is having a really hard time. I can't even type this without crying. He has never been left with anyone but family. We are so fortunate to have so many grandparents around who are willing to watch him. Everyone knows him and what he wants. His language is not very developed, but he has his own way of communicating. The daycare lady won't know what he wants! He is used to being the king of the castle--if he wants to "reeeead", we read! The daycare lady won't always be able to drop everything and read when he wants to (again, the logical part of me knows that this will be a good life lesson, but will his little feelings be hurt??).

The daycare lady and I have talked about doing a trial run or two in the next couple weeks--I'll go over with Connor and hang out for a little bit, and then leave for an hour or two. I am hopeful that this will help him get to know her and her home a little bit before being left there all day. We went over there together a few weeks ago, and Connor just dug right into the toys and didn't pay any attention to me whatsoever. The daycare lady thought that was a good sign, as did I. She said a lot of kids who come for interviews or visits cling to their parent's leg the whole time, so she was impressed that he would leave my side. We'll see how it goes when I tell him I'm leaving, though!

Thanks for letting me vent. I'll let you all know how things turn out. Wish us luck!