Big Decisions....

Hi Friends--

   You'd think becoming a first-time mother would be more frightening than the second time around, but it's not. Not for me, anyway. When I was pregnant with Connor, I was just so ready and excited to be a mom. I had always wanted to be one, and being pregnant actually eased all my anxiety (which I was suffering with pretty badly that year). I hardly worried about a thing, other than the normal worries that come with being pregnant.

   This time around, I have been worrying so much more. How is Connor going to handle it? When should we move Connor's bedroom? Potty training? How on Earth will we afford another one? Is it worth it for me to keep working? Can I possibly love another one as much as I love Connor? What if this one is a total brat (his big brother is a tough act to follow...)? The dialogue and questions just go on and on in my head.

   Some of these questions are easy enough to deal with. Connor will have a hard time, but all kids survive being "de-throned". With time, he will adjust to any changes that come about. I have been told by everyone I know with more than one child, that your heart just expands and I will love this one just as much.

   Other questions have been a lot harder to deal with....Can we afford it? (No, but we're going to go with the "God will provide" approach :) and With the cost of daycare for two kids, is it worth me going back to my current job? (No, but it's not that simple).

    Ever since we even started considering having a second child, I have known in my HEAD that it wouldn't make sense financially for me to go back to my current job. When I started teaching in a Catholic School, the school's goal was to pay 80% of what a public school teaching job would pay. I was a new teacher, and living at home with my mom. It was a fair salary. Seven years later, though, my income hasn't increased much (it is certainly not 80% of what a seventh-year public school teacher would make). It is no fault of the school's....we are poor. We serve poor students. It's part of our mission statement. Every year, I have been lucky to hold on to my job, let alone get a raise. Everyone says you don't go into teaching for the money, and you DEFINITELY do not teach at an urban Catholic school for the money. If I were to continue there, I would be working to pay for daycare and the gas to get to work.

     I LOVE my job. L.O.V.E it. But not enough to work for the sole purpose of paying someone else to raise my kids. This has been the hardest decision of my life, but I have decided (officially) not to return to teaching next fall.

      It's probably hard for non-teachers to understand, but teaching is more than a degree or a job (at least it should be....if that's all it is to you, you probably shouldn't be teaching). It is part of who you are. People have been telling me I'd be a teacher since I was about seven years old. It is one of the things that attracted my husband to me on the night we met. I run my life on a school calendar, not the regular one. I don't dread going to work (most days...). I get to use my creativity and public speaking skills. I have adults to talk to, but don't have to deal with them all day long. My classroom is my little kingdom. I get to make an impact on kids' lives. I love it. I can't imagine not having that in my life. But, for the next few years, I won't. Maybe you can see why it took my HEART a while to make the decision, even though my HEAD has known it all along.

      Yesterday, I told my students I would not be returning next year. The current 8th graders (who won't be there anyway) were the hardest to tell. They were my first ever class. I taught them in second grade, and then again the past few years in middle school. I have been able to watch them grow up. It is fitting, though, that I will be "graduating" along with them. The 7th graders either didn't really care, or were just playing it cool, because they didn't react much. The 6th graders were pretty hard on me, though. They were extremely shocked and saddened. After saying that I had to do what was best for my family, one boy responded "If you wanted to do what's best, you wouldn't leave us". (Put a dagger in my heart!!!) They also had a lot of great ideas, like skyping in to the classroom from home, starting a school in my basement, and just bringing the boys everyday and they would babysit! Telling the kids made it very real, but it is a load off my chest. Now, I can enjoy all my "lasts" at Blessed Trinity.

      I know that I will not regret the time at home with my little ones. I will still be working part-time at Cub, so that will get me out enough that I shouldn't go too crazy being home all the time. I am still not sure how we're going to make it work financially, so prayers and money-saving suggestions (and donations--jk) are very much appreciated.

     Happy Mother's Day to all my mommy friends out there! Take care!


 

Halfway there...

How far along? 20 weeks

Maternity clothes? Definitely

Stretch marks? No. I didn't get any with Connor, so I'm hoping I'll be just as lucky this time around!

Sleep: I've been sleeping like a rock. I am noticing that I'm dreaming (or remembering them) more lately.

Miss Anything? Being able to comfortably hold/snuggle with Connor. He is such a cuddle bug and likes to be on my lap all the time, but it's already getting harder for both of us to get comfortable.

Movement: Yes, throughout the day, but still not consistent enough to worry if I don't feel him for a while.

Food cravings: None, but more salty snacks rather than sweets

Gender: Boy

Labor Signs: Hopefully none. Still having that tightening feeling a few times a day, but the more I read about "early contractions" the more I think it's normal. I also think I need to drink more to make sure I'm staying hydrated.

Symptoms: I'm afraid that my progesterone shots are making me revert back to some morning sickness. I have been feeling kind of icky again, and it started when I started those blasted shots!

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy

Looking forward to: We have graduated out of perinatology! I realized that I hadn't updated since we got the results of our last blood tests. They took a sample of my blood as well as Mike's blood to see if there would be a reaction. There wasn't! Assuming everything continues to go well, I can resume seeing my regular OB for the duration of the pregnancy. There is a note in my chart to not use a vacuum/forceps to aid in delivery (just in case there is a bleeding risk for the baby), but they don't think it's going to be an issue. This is reassuring but also a little scary at the same time. I just have this fear that the platelet issue will return late in the pregnancy and we won't know because they won't be checking for it anymore. My goal with this pregnancy, as it was with the first one, is to not worry too much. I have faith that everything will work out.

I CANNOT believe it is the end of April already. As a teacher, I "run" on a different calendar (Sept-Aug, not Jan-Dec) so my year is ending in 6 weeks. Somehow in that 6 weeks, though, we only have 25 more days of school. It's hard to believe and time is going to fly. This baby will be here before I know it!

Take care,

xoxo, Julie

18 weeks

How far along? 18 weeks

Maternity clothes? Definitely

Stretch marks? No

Sleep: I'm waking up a lot with a stiff back/neck. I have also had a lot on my mind the last week, so I haven't slept very well.

Miss Anything? Sleeping on my stomach!

Movement: Yes, quite a bit now!

Food cravings: None, but more salty snacks rather than sweets

Gender: Boy

Labor Signs: I have been having a tightening feeling in my lower abdomen....hoping it's intestinal, but afraid they are early contractions. I had them starting at about 20 weeks with Connor. I will be starting my progesterone shots on Monday, so hopefully that will help.

Symptoms: Ear stuffiness, headaches, and stretching ligaments in my belly. This baby is growing fast...

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty much happy. It's fun and reassuring to feel that baby moving around in there.

Looking forward to: Nothing to do with the pregnancy, but I'm looking forward to going to Camp St. Croix with my 6th graders next week. Always my favorite part of every school year :)

It's a BOY.....

Well, yesterday was the big day. We had a doctor's appointment at 9:30 in the morning, starting with the detailed anatomy ultrasound, followed by a consult with the perinatologist (high risk o.b.). We were hoping to find out the gender of the baby AND the final word on our blood test results.

Everything on the ultrasound looked great. The baby was very active (I'm afraid we're going to have a spaz this time. Connor has always been so quiet and calm, even in utero...) but he eventually allowed the tech to get all the measurements she needed. He is also measuring a week ahead--maybe I'll get a chubby baby this time?!? We had the ultrasound tech seal the gender up in an envelope for us to open in private later. We did the same thing with Connor, and it's a nice moment to share with just the two of us, rather than with the tech in the room.

After our 12 week ultrasound, Mike and I were both pretty sure it was a boy because it looked so much like Connor's ultrasound. After watching the baby for another 40 minutes yesterday, though, we weren't so sure. It no longer looked that much like Connor. We thought maybe we'd get a girl that looks like Mama this time, since we already have a mini-Mike. When we went out to dinner to open the envelope, we found out that our initial instincts were correct. We're having another sweet little boy.

To say we weren't a little disappointed would be a lie. Obviously, a healthy baby is what's most important, and we had gotten great news on that front at our appointment earlier, but we did both kind of want a girl this time. I think it's just the fact that we don't know if we'll be blessed with another baby after this, and it would be great to have one of each. I LOVE having a little boy. Connor is the light of my life. He's a total mama's boy, and I love it. But I wanted to know what it was like to have a daughter, too. I don't necessarily care about clothes and bows and all of that, but I just want that mother-daughter bond. Hopefully someday I'll get to experience that. In the meantime, I am going to push away the cloud of disappointment that has lingered since opening that envelope last night, and start bonding with this baby as a boy. I feel like a horrible person for admitting those feelings, but I am kind of a brutally honest person. I think acknowledging those feelings of disappointment is healthy for me, rather than just pasting a fake smile on my face.

If I stop being selfish and really think about it, having a boy is going to be great. Connor will have a brother to grow up with. The six huge Rubbermaid tubs full of boy clothes will get some more use. We don't have to paint the nursery. I will get another little boy that reminds me of my husband and all the things I love about him. It's not such a bad thing.

Now, onto the other aspect of our appointment yesterday--the results of my HLA antibody blood tests. As of right now, it's looking like we have nothing to worry about! Yay! It is all so complicated, but basically, when they tested the blood serum for this antibody, it was slightly positive. But, when they heated the blood to body temperature, they could no longer find any active antibodies. Since the blood is obviously body temperature in my body, the hope is that there are no active antibodies attacking the baby. They did take one more sample of my blood and Mike's blood yesterday. They are going to put our blood samples together and see if there is a reaction (there was only a slight one after Connor was born). If everything turns out okay with that test, the doctor said "We are done worrying about the platelet thing". This would be great news, not only for the health of the baby, but also because I could stop driving all the way up to Methodist Hospital for every appointment, and go to my regular OB in Shakopee again.

I am going to start going in for weekly Progesterone shots staring next week. Progesterone is a natural pregnancy hormone that will hopefully keep my cervix strong, and will prevent me from going into preterm labor this time. In fact, it reduces my risk of going early to 10%. Not bad.

Overall, very good news yesterday. It looks like we'll have a big, healthy baby boy. I pray all continues to go this well. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers!

Julie

15 Week Notes

I have seen these pregnancy notes on a few other blogs and thought they would be a great way for me to keep track of/remember my pregnancy. Life moves so quickly and I forget things so easily. I tried to keep a journal when I was pregnant with Connor, but didn't write in it consistently. I haven't even gotten around to BUYING one yet this time, let alone found any time to write. Maybe doing it electronically will be easier for me.

How far along? 15 weeks (16 tomorrow) March 26, 2012

Maternity clothes? Yes, unfortunately.

Stretch marks? No

Sleep: Pretty well. I am waking up less frequently to pee, which is good! Although my energy level has increased in the last few weeks, I'm still ready to head to bed by 8:00 or so every night.

Miss Anything? My morning coffee. I had to stop drinking it when I was feeling so crappy. Now I have it on the weekends, but not during the week because it still occasionally makes me feel nauseous/shaky during the day.

Movement: I think I am feeling it sometimes when I am sitting or crouched down (bent at the waist squishing the baby), but everything I read says I shouldn’t be feeling it yet, so who knows.

Food cravings: No cravings, really, and my aversions are going away. I made chicken fajitas this week! I haven’t been able to deal with raw chicken since the beginning of January!

Gender: Not sure, but at our 12 week ultrasound Mike and I both thought BOY.

Labor Signs: None, thank goodness.

Symptoms: PLUGGED EARS. I hate them. They have also started ringing occasionally. Lovely.

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: The moodiness is also getting better. I am more teary than usual, though.

Looking forward to: Nine days until our next ultrasound/appointment! Hopefully the little bugger will cooperate so we can find out the gender. We should also get our blood test results that day (the right ones!) so we will know more what we’re dealing with in terms of the platelet antibody issue.

Other news: Connor climbed/fell out of his crib for the first time this week. We told him it must be time to get a big boy bed, and now he has asked multiple times a day for his new bed. I guess we’ll be shopping for a toddler bed next weekend! We were going to have to transition him anyway before the baby comes, but he is just so little...I can’t imagine him in a bed. I know I baby him too much—he’s almost 2 ½ , but I’m just having issues dealing with the fact that he is growing up. I should be grateful, because when to transition him into all these types of things has been a cause of stress for me since I found out we were expecting another one. Like everything else he’s done in his life, Connor is making that decision for me. He’s such a good boy. I’m really blessed with that one! Now if only he would potty train himself, we’d be golden!

Also, even though we've been talking with Connor about the baby and reading "Big Brother" books, I wasn't sure if he really "got" it. On Saturday I said "Is mama's tummy getting bigger?" and he said "Baby in there!" Then we talked about all the things he would do for/with the baby and he seemed pretty excited. I'm happy to know he at least somewhat gets it, so it won't be a total shock to him.

Take care! Julie
--

Some News....

Hi Friends,

It's been a while since I have posted...Thanksgiving, to be exact. It isn't for lack of things on my mind, just lack of things I was ready to share. It is getting hard to hide at this point, so here goes.

The Larsen family is expanding! We are expecting baby #2 at the beginning of September. We are excited, stressed, anxious, unsure, all those things that come along with pregnancy. I think I'm actually more nervous this time around!

My pregnancy with Connor seemed to last forever. I was so excited to be a mom, I just couldn't wait. This time around, I need everything to SLOW DOWN! I can't believe that I'm already through my first trimester. There are so many decisions to make and changes that need to take place before we're ready for this baby! Don't get me wrong, I'm excited again....I'm just too busy and stressed out to spend much time thinking about it.

As some of you will recall, Connor was born prematurely (at 34 weeks). Thankfully, he was perfectly healthy, breathed on his own, and had no trouble eating. We were so blessed with our little mini-baby. One thing that was discovered, though, is that his platelet count was low. Again, fortunately, they went up on their own and he never needed a transfusion. Because he had no sign of infection and the platelets did start going up as soon as the cord was cut, they did some blood tests on me. It was discovered that I had an HLA-antibody...something so rare no doctors at my OB clinic had ever heard of it. I had to see a hematologist and perinatologist to see what this meant and how it might affect future pregnancies. Apparently, something clashes when you combine my blood with Mike's blood. Somehow, my body was exposed to Connor's blood/fluids (probably a small tear in the placenta, which is apparently pretty common) and my body created antibodies to fight it off. I am so thankful Connor was born early, because the longer he was in there, the more platelets he would have lost, and labor trauma could have caused him to bleed internally. It is so scary, but I'm so thankful everything turned out the way it did because now we know what we're up against.

As soon as I found out I was pregnant in January, they took a blood sample to see if those antibodies were still present in my blood. If they were, they would start attacking this baby right away. If not, this baby would have the same risk as Connor (much lower). We waited and waited to hear the results of the test. Finally, we had our appointment with the perinatologist (high-risk OB) this past Monday. When we got there, we found out I had been given the wrong test! I was so upset. I'd been worrying about it for over 6 weeks, and no one bothered to notice it was the wrong test!?!? UGH. Anyway, I have now been given the right test and should get the results in a couple weeks. We did find out that there is a plan, though, for preventing both preterm labor and the antibody thing if necessary. Even though we didn't find out if there are antibodies present, we left the appointment feeling pretty good about the fact that there is a plan.

We also got to see the baby on ultrasound for about a half hour. Everything looks perfect! Stubborn little bugger wouldn't allow the ultrasound tech a good measurement. Frustrating for her, great for us because we got to watch our little munchkin for quite a while. Every time I have an ultrasound, I am so amazed by God's goodness. What a miracle babies are!

Aside from worrying about the baby's health, there are also a lot of decisions to make when it comes to transitions for Connor and my job/financial situation. We have a lot on our minds, but I am doing my best to just enjoy this pregnancy and look forward to another sweet little baby. Prayers for a healthy and full term pregnancy are appreciated--I know they help!

Take care! Julie

Thankful....

Hi Friends--

Happy Thanksgiving to all! There are many days that I am tempted to complain about my life. We have no money, I don't want to go to work, I just need one more hour of sleep, etc. But whenever I start feeling that way, I try to think of how lucky I am to have what I have. There are always people worse off, right?

We don't have the money we used to have for things like vacations, concerts, and shopping sprees. But you know what? We have two cars and a nice house in a safe neighborhood for our son to grow up in. For that, I am thankful.

I make very little money. Like, very little. I'm not going to say exactly how little, but I doubt there are many college educated people who have been at the same job for 7 years that make as little as I do. But you know what? I don't dread going to work every morning. I make a difference in people's lives. For that, I am thankful.

I am working a second job to help pay for daycare. I don't want to work on Sundays. But you know what? It pays me too well to NOT do it, and there are a lot of people who don't have ANY jobs--and I have two. For that, I am thankful.

I used to go out with my friends two or three nights every week. We had so much fun. Now most of us see each other two or three times every year. But you know what? When we do see each other, it's like no time has passed. They are just as busy as me, and understand what my life is like, because they're living it too. For that, I am thankful.

The holidays can be extremely stressful, because my husband and I have four sets of parents to visit. We run around like crazy people trying to spend time with everyone. Sometimes I just want to stay home. But you know what? We have 4 different sets of grandparents to love our son (and babysit! :). We know we would never be without a place to go if we needed someone. All of our parents are healthy and living nearby. For that, I am thankful.

My husband and I used to go out on all kinds of dates. Twins games, Wild games, the Science Museum, movies, dinner....now those dates are few and far between. But you know what? I have a husband who works hard for his family and tells me I'm beautiful every day. For that, I am thankful.

Two years ago on Thanksgiving morning, I woke up in the hospital for the 11th morning in a row, and walked down to the nursery to see my tiny little 4-pound baby. This morning, I woke up and walked down the hall to see my happy, healthy, active little two year old greet me with a big smile and a "love you, Mama". For that, I am so unbelievably thankful.

So whenever I start to think about how hard my life is, I tried to remember how much I have to be thankful for. Being young, working parents is difficult. But it is so worth it. I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving with all the important people in your lives! Take care.

Julie