30 weeks

How far along? 30 weeks! (Starting week 3 of modified bed rest)

Maternity clothes? Of course. I don't even fit in most of my pjs and t-shirts anymore. Last pregnancy I fit in them the whole time :( I refuse to buy maternity jammies, though, so I wear the pants that fit and some of Mike's boxers and t-shirts.

Sleep:Pretty well, just really achy in the morning, since I lay around most of the day AND night.

Miss Anything? Taking walks, being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it, not being stressed out and worried, etc. I also miss working, believe it or not....or I guess just having SOMETHING on the schedule for the next day, other than laying around.

Movement:Yes, this one is a spaz. The only time he's remotely quiet is in the mornings. I'm afraid we'll have our hands full with this one, and my brother assured me that there is no possible way I will be blessed with another child as mellow as Connor :) 

Hugs for his little brother!

Huge.

Such a sweet boy

 Cravings: I haven't really had any particular thing I've craved during this pregnancy.

Gender: Boy. He's nameless, though. We just don't have any names that we're both crazy about. He'll probably be a week old before he is named :(

Labor Signs: Tons of contractions. I have been on modified bed rest since June 25th, because I have so many contractions, my cervix is shortening, and I had a positive fFn test at 28 weeks. I am also on Nifedipine, a drug that is supposed to slow contractions. If I have more than 4 contractions in an hour, I am supposed to go in the Labor and Delivery to be monitored. If I did that, I would be there EVERY night. I did go last Sunday night because the contractions were somewhat regular (about every 10 minutes). Of course, in the hour I was there, no contractions registered on the monitor, so I was sent home. I was there again on Friday morning because I felt a lot of pelvic pressure and it felt like the baby had dropped already. Good news, though...they did another fFn test, and it was negative this time. They also did another ultrasound to check my cervical length, and it hadn't shortened in the 12 days since it was last checked. This reassured me that all those contractions are not necessarily productive, and that the modified bed rest is working (as miserable as it is).

Symptoms: Contractions, tired from being so inactive, throbbing pain under my ribs (probably my gall bladder, but this has gotten better since everything dropped lower a few days ago).  

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off?With the humidity being so high, I've most just been wearing my thin band, because if I wear all three rings it feels pretty tight.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Really emotional, feeling like I can't do the simplest things....trying to make myself rest, but fighting guilt for not taking care of Connor like I should and feeling bad that Mike has to do so much. I am also always in fear that the baby will be born too soon....I for once am wishing my summer away...I just want it to be the beginning of August so I'll be 34 weeks and much less afraid.

Looking forward to: Another appointment and ultrasound on Tuesday (I wish I could get checked every day, just for my own sanity).

Thanks for continued thoughts and prayers! Every day this baby stays put is a blessing!

Rollercoaster of a Day.....

Hi Friends--
   Well, I've had a rollercoaster of a day the last 36 hours. I was so excited to start my summer vacation on Monday and it was a beautiful day! I had a doctor's appointment in the morning. At this point, the doctor wants to give me an Ffn test every two weeks. This tests for a protein that serves as a 'glue' to hold the baby into the uterus. If the protein is found outside of the cervix, it means the 'glue' may be disintegrating. If the test is negative, there is essentially no chance you'll deliver in the next 2 weeks. Last time I had the test, it was negative. Yesterday's test, however, was positive. Unfortunately, a positive test doesn't give any CERTAIN answers. They have estimated that it means you may have a 25% chance of delivering in the next two weeks....but it could mean nothing as well. Considering my history and the number of contractions I've been having, my doctor called and said she wanted me on bed rest until I could get in for an ultrasound to check my cervical length.

    I did not handle this news well. I pretty much cried for all of my waking hours from 5:30 last night until noon today. I worried about the baby, of course, but I also worried about not being able to take care of Connor, how much Mike would have to do for me, not being able to work and make money, not being able to take care of the house, not being able to prepare the nursery, etc. I pretty much worried about everything.

   Luckily, they not only fit me in for an ultrasound today, but my perinatologist happened to be at the Shakopee clinic today, so I was able to talk to her. I like my regular OB, but I just really trust the perinatologist's opinion on these matters. We got some semi-good news. My cervix was still about 2 cm long...shorter but not alarming yet. It is also still closed on the inside. She informed me that I don't officially have be on bed rest, but I need to take it easy. No working at Cub--I have to be on my feet the whole time I'm there. She said I could have Connor home with me, but I need to listen to my body and if I am having a lot of contractions, I need to call in reinforcements. I am planning on still sending him to daycare one day a week, even if I'm not working, and he can still go to my mom's one day a week, so I'll have a couple totally restful days each week.

     I have a lot of trouble asking for help, so even today when I was on bed rest and Mike was home, I didn't rest like I should. I really need to put my guilt about Connor aside and focus on keeping this new baby safe. It's just hard to do when Connor's sweet voice is asking me to do something....he has been my whole world for two and half years, so it's hard to focus on the baby that isn't here yet. I know it's not fair to the baby, and I'm going to do my best. I just feel like I'm failing SOMEONE either way. It's hard to feel like I can't do what women are meant to do....stay pregnant for 40 weeks. It's a guilt complex I've had ever since Connor came early. I know it's unreasonable, but it's how I feel.

    Every week that I can keep this baby in is a success. I will be 29 weeks tomorrow. Even if I can make it 3-4 more weeks, we'll be in pretty good shape, but my goal all along has been to make it until August at least. It's going to be a long, stir-crazy month of July, but in the grand scheme of life, it's a short amount of time. I just want EVERYONE to remind me of this in another year and half when I think I want another baby :)

     Thanks everyone for your continued thoughts and prayers!

xoxo, Julie

P.S. Happy Birthday tomorrow to my wonderful husband! I am so lucky to have such a good partner to have a family with and to put up with me. I love you the whole world, Mikey!

26 Weeks!

How far along? 26 weeks

Maternity clothes? Yes, and I realized today that with my limited wardrobe, I don't even care if things match. If they fit and are clean, I'll wear them. Today I am wearing a dark blue shirt with brown capris. I combo I would never put together usually. Oh well.

Stretch marks? No. I didn't get any with Connor, so I'm hoping I'll be just as lucky this time around!

Sleep:Getting pretty uncomfortable to flip over, and I've been getting leg and foot cramps in the middle of the night.

Miss Anything? I miss the ability to easily sit on the floor to play with Connor. I miss being able to have him on my lap comfortably. I feel like a pretty lazy mom.

Movement: Yes, and whenever I start to worry that I haven't felt him for a while he reassures me. He's most active in the evenings when I finally settle down.

Food cravings: Nothing in particular.

Most recent photo--24.5 weeks

Gender: Boy

Labor Signs: I have been trying really hard to rest and drink enough because I've been having a lot of contractions. My cervix is considerably shortened, but not enough for bed rest yet. I had an appointment yesterday and they did the FFN test (to check for signs of early labor) and it was negative, so the chances of having the baby in the next 2 weeks is miniscule.  This was reassuring to me, because I have been pretty panicky about it. They will continue to test me every 2 weeks until week 34.

Symptoms: General discomfort and feeling like something is lodged under my rib cage. 

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time:Getting more excited about the baby, but I have definitely had moments of anxiety lately. 

Looking forward to: August when I could safely have the baby and be done being pregnant :)


I had my last day of work at Blessed Trinity on Thursday. Turned in the keys and everything. I will have to blog about that one of these days, but I'm still not sure what to say. A big chapter of my adult life closed when I walked out of that classroom.

Hope everyone is enjoying summer so far. I can't believe it's already this far into June! Take care!

Julie

Big Decisions....

Hi Friends--

   You'd think becoming a first-time mother would be more frightening than the second time around, but it's not. Not for me, anyway. When I was pregnant with Connor, I was just so ready and excited to be a mom. I had always wanted to be one, and being pregnant actually eased all my anxiety (which I was suffering with pretty badly that year). I hardly worried about a thing, other than the normal worries that come with being pregnant.

   This time around, I have been worrying so much more. How is Connor going to handle it? When should we move Connor's bedroom? Potty training? How on Earth will we afford another one? Is it worth it for me to keep working? Can I possibly love another one as much as I love Connor? What if this one is a total brat (his big brother is a tough act to follow...)? The dialogue and questions just go on and on in my head.

   Some of these questions are easy enough to deal with. Connor will have a hard time, but all kids survive being "de-throned". With time, he will adjust to any changes that come about. I have been told by everyone I know with more than one child, that your heart just expands and I will love this one just as much.

   Other questions have been a lot harder to deal with....Can we afford it? (No, but we're going to go with the "God will provide" approach :) and With the cost of daycare for two kids, is it worth me going back to my current job? (No, but it's not that simple).

    Ever since we even started considering having a second child, I have known in my HEAD that it wouldn't make sense financially for me to go back to my current job. When I started teaching in a Catholic School, the school's goal was to pay 80% of what a public school teaching job would pay. I was a new teacher, and living at home with my mom. It was a fair salary. Seven years later, though, my income hasn't increased much (it is certainly not 80% of what a seventh-year public school teacher would make). It is no fault of the school's....we are poor. We serve poor students. It's part of our mission statement. Every year, I have been lucky to hold on to my job, let alone get a raise. Everyone says you don't go into teaching for the money, and you DEFINITELY do not teach at an urban Catholic school for the money. If I were to continue there, I would be working to pay for daycare and the gas to get to work.

     I LOVE my job. L.O.V.E it. But not enough to work for the sole purpose of paying someone else to raise my kids. This has been the hardest decision of my life, but I have decided (officially) not to return to teaching next fall.

      It's probably hard for non-teachers to understand, but teaching is more than a degree or a job (at least it should be....if that's all it is to you, you probably shouldn't be teaching). It is part of who you are. People have been telling me I'd be a teacher since I was about seven years old. It is one of the things that attracted my husband to me on the night we met. I run my life on a school calendar, not the regular one. I don't dread going to work (most days...). I get to use my creativity and public speaking skills. I have adults to talk to, but don't have to deal with them all day long. My classroom is my little kingdom. I get to make an impact on kids' lives. I love it. I can't imagine not having that in my life. But, for the next few years, I won't. Maybe you can see why it took my HEART a while to make the decision, even though my HEAD has known it all along.

      Yesterday, I told my students I would not be returning next year. The current 8th graders (who won't be there anyway) were the hardest to tell. They were my first ever class. I taught them in second grade, and then again the past few years in middle school. I have been able to watch them grow up. It is fitting, though, that I will be "graduating" along with them. The 7th graders either didn't really care, or were just playing it cool, because they didn't react much. The 6th graders were pretty hard on me, though. They were extremely shocked and saddened. After saying that I had to do what was best for my family, one boy responded "If you wanted to do what's best, you wouldn't leave us". (Put a dagger in my heart!!!) They also had a lot of great ideas, like skyping in to the classroom from home, starting a school in my basement, and just bringing the boys everyday and they would babysit! Telling the kids made it very real, but it is a load off my chest. Now, I can enjoy all my "lasts" at Blessed Trinity.

      I know that I will not regret the time at home with my little ones. I will still be working part-time at Cub, so that will get me out enough that I shouldn't go too crazy being home all the time. I am still not sure how we're going to make it work financially, so prayers and money-saving suggestions (and donations--jk) are very much appreciated.

     Happy Mother's Day to all my mommy friends out there! Take care!


 

Halfway there...

How far along? 20 weeks

Maternity clothes? Definitely

Stretch marks? No. I didn't get any with Connor, so I'm hoping I'll be just as lucky this time around!

Sleep: I've been sleeping like a rock. I am noticing that I'm dreaming (or remembering them) more lately.

Miss Anything? Being able to comfortably hold/snuggle with Connor. He is such a cuddle bug and likes to be on my lap all the time, but it's already getting harder for both of us to get comfortable.

Movement: Yes, throughout the day, but still not consistent enough to worry if I don't feel him for a while.

Food cravings: None, but more salty snacks rather than sweets

Gender: Boy

Labor Signs: Hopefully none. Still having that tightening feeling a few times a day, but the more I read about "early contractions" the more I think it's normal. I also think I need to drink more to make sure I'm staying hydrated.

Symptoms: I'm afraid that my progesterone shots are making me revert back to some morning sickness. I have been feeling kind of icky again, and it started when I started those blasted shots!

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy

Looking forward to: We have graduated out of perinatology! I realized that I hadn't updated since we got the results of our last blood tests. They took a sample of my blood as well as Mike's blood to see if there would be a reaction. There wasn't! Assuming everything continues to go well, I can resume seeing my regular OB for the duration of the pregnancy. There is a note in my chart to not use a vacuum/forceps to aid in delivery (just in case there is a bleeding risk for the baby), but they don't think it's going to be an issue. This is reassuring but also a little scary at the same time. I just have this fear that the platelet issue will return late in the pregnancy and we won't know because they won't be checking for it anymore. My goal with this pregnancy, as it was with the first one, is to not worry too much. I have faith that everything will work out.

I CANNOT believe it is the end of April already. As a teacher, I "run" on a different calendar (Sept-Aug, not Jan-Dec) so my year is ending in 6 weeks. Somehow in that 6 weeks, though, we only have 25 more days of school. It's hard to believe and time is going to fly. This baby will be here before I know it!

Take care,

xoxo, Julie

18 weeks

How far along? 18 weeks

Maternity clothes? Definitely

Stretch marks? No

Sleep: I'm waking up a lot with a stiff back/neck. I have also had a lot on my mind the last week, so I haven't slept very well.

Miss Anything? Sleeping on my stomach!

Movement: Yes, quite a bit now!

Food cravings: None, but more salty snacks rather than sweets

Gender: Boy

Labor Signs: I have been having a tightening feeling in my lower abdomen....hoping it's intestinal, but afraid they are early contractions. I had them starting at about 20 weeks with Connor. I will be starting my progesterone shots on Monday, so hopefully that will help.

Symptoms: Ear stuffiness, headaches, and stretching ligaments in my belly. This baby is growing fast...

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty much happy. It's fun and reassuring to feel that baby moving around in there.

Looking forward to: Nothing to do with the pregnancy, but I'm looking forward to going to Camp St. Croix with my 6th graders next week. Always my favorite part of every school year :)

It's a BOY.....

Well, yesterday was the big day. We had a doctor's appointment at 9:30 in the morning, starting with the detailed anatomy ultrasound, followed by a consult with the perinatologist (high risk o.b.). We were hoping to find out the gender of the baby AND the final word on our blood test results.

Everything on the ultrasound looked great. The baby was very active (I'm afraid we're going to have a spaz this time. Connor has always been so quiet and calm, even in utero...) but he eventually allowed the tech to get all the measurements she needed. He is also measuring a week ahead--maybe I'll get a chubby baby this time?!? We had the ultrasound tech seal the gender up in an envelope for us to open in private later. We did the same thing with Connor, and it's a nice moment to share with just the two of us, rather than with the tech in the room.

After our 12 week ultrasound, Mike and I were both pretty sure it was a boy because it looked so much like Connor's ultrasound. After watching the baby for another 40 minutes yesterday, though, we weren't so sure. It no longer looked that much like Connor. We thought maybe we'd get a girl that looks like Mama this time, since we already have a mini-Mike. When we went out to dinner to open the envelope, we found out that our initial instincts were correct. We're having another sweet little boy.

To say we weren't a little disappointed would be a lie. Obviously, a healthy baby is what's most important, and we had gotten great news on that front at our appointment earlier, but we did both kind of want a girl this time. I think it's just the fact that we don't know if we'll be blessed with another baby after this, and it would be great to have one of each. I LOVE having a little boy. Connor is the light of my life. He's a total mama's boy, and I love it. But I wanted to know what it was like to have a daughter, too. I don't necessarily care about clothes and bows and all of that, but I just want that mother-daughter bond. Hopefully someday I'll get to experience that. In the meantime, I am going to push away the cloud of disappointment that has lingered since opening that envelope last night, and start bonding with this baby as a boy. I feel like a horrible person for admitting those feelings, but I am kind of a brutally honest person. I think acknowledging those feelings of disappointment is healthy for me, rather than just pasting a fake smile on my face.

If I stop being selfish and really think about it, having a boy is going to be great. Connor will have a brother to grow up with. The six huge Rubbermaid tubs full of boy clothes will get some more use. We don't have to paint the nursery. I will get another little boy that reminds me of my husband and all the things I love about him. It's not such a bad thing.

Now, onto the other aspect of our appointment yesterday--the results of my HLA antibody blood tests. As of right now, it's looking like we have nothing to worry about! Yay! It is all so complicated, but basically, when they tested the blood serum for this antibody, it was slightly positive. But, when they heated the blood to body temperature, they could no longer find any active antibodies. Since the blood is obviously body temperature in my body, the hope is that there are no active antibodies attacking the baby. They did take one more sample of my blood and Mike's blood yesterday. They are going to put our blood samples together and see if there is a reaction (there was only a slight one after Connor was born). If everything turns out okay with that test, the doctor said "We are done worrying about the platelet thing". This would be great news, not only for the health of the baby, but also because I could stop driving all the way up to Methodist Hospital for every appointment, and go to my regular OB in Shakopee again.

I am going to start going in for weekly Progesterone shots staring next week. Progesterone is a natural pregnancy hormone that will hopefully keep my cervix strong, and will prevent me from going into preterm labor this time. In fact, it reduces my risk of going early to 10%. Not bad.

Overall, very good news yesterday. It looks like we'll have a big, healthy baby boy. I pray all continues to go this well. Thanks for all the thoughts and prayers!

Julie